God, Give Us Men for Sons

This weekend my two oldest sons and I are heading out to Colorado to participate in Vision Forum’s Father Son Conference.

Earlier this year I took my oldest daughters to the Father Daughter Conference. We had a great time and our relationships were strengthened. I pray the same will be the case for this conference as well.

Our culture is overflowing with immature boys who are encouraged in their immature foolish behaviour by media and peer groups. Vision Forum is a wonderful exception to this rule. They understand that a boy is distinctly different from a girl. There needs to be physical activity and times for boys to be loud. Yet there are also times of seriousness. As parents we are raising men and women for the glory of God. They start out as boys and girls, but maturity is our goal.

My prayer for us for this conference is that God would really strengthen the relationships I have with my sons. I pray that He would bring a new level of maturity to my oldest son as he approaches his 13th birthday this year. Boys are great, but I really desire to have men for sons. I want to raise godly men who can intelligently carry on a conversation regarding doctrine, politics, and family issues. I want men who desire to lead a family. I want men with whom I can work alongside once I break free from the chains of corporate America. I want godly, Christian men for sons that I can have serious conversation with on the scriptures. I want men who will read their Bibles and other works by godly authors and challenge me in my own life as I lead my own family with the help of God to the best of my ability.

God, give us men for sons. Let the world keep their immature, effeminate fools. I desire men of God to train for His service.

FatherToFather.net

It's with great pleasure that I announce to you the "pre-launch" of FatherToFather.net. The Lord has laid it on my heart to offer encouragement to other Christian fathers out there trying, in spite of all the challenges the world throws their way, to raise a godly family.

It is by God's grace alone that I can ever hope to offer encouragement in this area, as I continue to learn so much myself in my journey as a father.

In the next few weeks I will be starting up a newsletter that I will send out on a weekly basis. There are still a few loose ends I need to tie up before I make this happen. But I am looking forward to it with eager anticipation, even as I work toward that end. I will continue to post articles out here as well, but the focus of the other site will be specific ministry to fathers.

An Unprofitable Servant

So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.
(Luk 17:10)

In each of the commentaries on this verse that I have consulted, there appears to be a common theme. We are "unprofitable" servants because even our best efforts are intermingled with error. We have no righteousness of our own. Everything that we have is due solely to God's working in us.

Now, I will not dispute the godly teachers of the past. Surely men such as John Gill and Matthew Henry spent many more hours in the Word of God than me. Yet, when I approach this passage, I must ask myself if this is just yet another passage speaking to the total depravity of man? Is it just one more reference that proves our inadequacy? Maybe. But what I read here is that a servant *has* successfully done his duty. Yet, he is still found lacking. He is described as "unprofitable."

Could it be that the servant is called unprofitable because he has done the bare minimum of his duty? Consider the following instruction of our Lord:

And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
(Mat 5:40-41)

In this passage, wouldn't the "duty" described be the bare minimum? Duty would dictate that you give up the coat that has been judged against you. But duty does not require the giving away of the cloke. Duty requires us to "go a mile." Yet going "twain" is above and beyond the call of duty.

I was listening to Geoff Botkin present a message from the 200 Year Plan Practicum. In it, he was relating the comparison of the army of Christ with an earthly military army. He was talking about ranks of privates, corporals, sergeants, captains, colonels, and generals. He stressed that being a private in Christ's army is not a bad thing. In an earthly military, we absolutely need the efforts of privates. There is honor in serving as a private. Yet, if the entire army is made up of privates, something is terribly wrong. There needs to be those who will rise above the ranks of private both in earthly armies, as well as Christ's army.

Mr. Botkin did not bring up the scripture from Luke 17:10, but I could not help but think of it while he was presenting. If all we ever do is just our bare minimum duty, which, by the way, includes daily Bible reading, prayer, homeschooling, family worship, and releasing control of the womb to the Lord, then we will never rise in the ranks to the officer status that the Lord needs in His army. The duties I mentioned above are vital. Sadly many Christians do not even strive to maintain these "minimum" standards. Indeed, observing someone doing these things is most often a rarity in today's depraved times in which we live. Yet, I agree with Mr. Botkin, that greater efforts need to be done. Bravery in the midst of battle should be apparent. God is calling men to be leaders who can make quick, wise decisions while engulfed in the thick of the battle.

If a young man comes desiring to court our daughters, and all he can claim is that he consistently reads his Bible, prays, desires to homeschool, desires to lead in family worship, and believes in having many children for the glory of God, is that really "enough" qualification to release our daughters into his care? If you have set yourself on having your daughters marry a "private" in Christ's army, then maybe it is "good enough." Yet, for those of us who desire leadership qualities, for those who have a clear vision and passion for the next 200 years, we will not hand our daughters over to someone who is an unprofitable servant that has simply done what was their duty to do.

Men, this is a challenge to you. This is a challenge to me. The answer is not to simply hold off in giving away our daughters until an officer in Christ's army comes to court. The answer is also that we must rise in the ranks ourselves, and we must raise sons who do likewise. In listening to Mr. Botkin's message, I realized that what he is describing is a range of ranks. In my own self assessment, I feel that I am above the rank of private. Yet, that same self assessment shows me that I have much, much further to go before advancing to the ranks of the upper leadership. And yet, that is my desire. I can think of no other purpose in living than in living a life that is constantly desiring the deeper, greater things of God. I take seriously our Lord's great commission:

Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
(Mat 28:19-20)

So, if we see that being unprofitable is simply doing our duty, what things in scripture are described as "profitable?"
Consider:

This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.
(Tit 3:8)

Hmm... Are good works "profitable?" The scripture declares that they are profitable. But they are profitable unto men. It's a good thing to do things that are profitable unto men. The Lord has told us that we are to treat one another with kindness. Yet, my greater desire is to be profitable unto God.

For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.
(1Ti 4:8)

Godliness is profitable unto all things. True godliness cannot be faked. Godliness is not simply a matter of performing a check list of duties that bring us to a rank of private in Christ's army. I submit to you that godliness is the trait that God is looking for in His officers. This is not something we drum up within ourselves. It is God who imparts it. Yet, we are responsible to be willing vessels. We cannot hope to walk in godliness while harboring habitual sin. We all fail. But what does our heart look like after we fail? David was king. He certainly failed on more than one occasion. But when he did, his heart was sincerely grieved that He had sinned against His Lord. His repentance was deep and meaningful. And we are told that David was a man after God's own heart.

Buried With Him By Baptism

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death:

that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
(Rom 6:4)

I had the great pleasure last Lord's Day (May 25, 2008) of baptizing my second son and fourth child, Justin Thomas Southerland. Afterward he participated in the Lord's Table for the first time in the meeting of the Church.

The Lord implores us in Matthew 28:

Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
(Mat 28:19-20)

I believe that our children are the easiest ones to teach "to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you." Yes, we are told to go and teach the nations. But I believe that it must start at home and eminate out from there. Don't try to save the world while losing your children. Fathers, they are your first and foremost "congregation." Be faithful with the little flock He has given you, and He will entrust you with ministry to others He has called into His Kingdom.

Christian Patriarchy

What exactly is Christian Patriarchy anyway? I’ve heard some crazy ideas about people’s misconceptions of what that term entails. They speak of men with harems, utter despots in their homes waiting for their wife and children to wait on them hand and foot. I’m not sure where they get their information, but that is certainly not Christian Patriarchy. Christian Patriarchy is simply “servant leadership.” It is a man sacrificing his own hobbies and interests, his own “life of luxury” for the good of his family. It is a man who will not only die for his family if necessary, but he will daily die to his own selfish desires in order to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He is a manly man who will protect his family from an evil world, while bathing them in the truth of scripture. A Christian Patriarch does not dishonor his wife. Rather, he loves her more than himself. True Christian Patriarchy emulates Christ. Is Christ our leader? Certainly. Does He set rules for His family? Absolutely. Is He a tyrant walking all over His subservient family? God forbid such blasphemy. Here is the pattern:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
(Eph 5:25-29)

Those who know me know that I love to read and quote men who lived long ago. However, for a nice change of pace, I’m going to quote a poem written by a man who is very much alive today. Doug Phillips is a Christian leader and a father of eight children. This poem comes from his book, Poems for Patriarchs available at: VisionForum.com

The Patriarch
by Doug Phillips

More noble than the valiant deeds of shining knights of yore,
More powerful than earthly plights that make the rich man poor,
More kingly than a royal throne or a lion with his pride,
Is he whose babes sleep well at night sure Daddy will provide.

There is a spirit in this land and Jezebel’s her name.
She’s calling you to leave your home for power, fun, and fame.
She wants your wife, your children too – she’ll never compromise,
Until your house is torn in two by listening to her lies.

But though a hundred thousand million men may fall prey to her lures,
And wives en masse leave home in search of “more fulfilling” chores,
Though preachers praise, and friends embrace, her pagan plan of death,
Stand strong and quit you like a man with every blessed breath.

Stand strong and rise, O man of God, to meet this noble call,
The battle is not new you see, it’s been here since the Fall.

Your wife is your helpmeet, my friend, and not another man’s,
So care for her and keep her far from Mistress Jezi’s plans.
Protect, provide, and give to her your undivided life,
This is the dear one of your youth, your precious bride, your wife.

And rally to those tiny ones who trust you for their care –
A lifetime spent discipling them’s a lifetime pure and rare.
For when they put their hand in yours and know a Daddy’s love,
You’re showing them a picture of the Father from above.

Look not toward worldly goal or gain, or for your liberty,
Look only into their sweet eyes to find your ministry.
Devote your heart and sacrifice and make your manly mark –
There is none so great as he who finds his call as patriarch.

Daddy, Will You Teach Me to Read?

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
(Deu 6:6-7)

My second son, and fourth child, Justin frequently looks up at me and asks me the question, “Daddy, will you teach me to read?” When he asks me this, what he wants to know is if I will sit down and work through a lesson in his book, Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons with him. This is the same text that I have used to teach each of my older three children to read.

It is somewhat of a “rite of passage” in our household to be taught, by Daddy, how to read. When Brittney, my oldest, was approaching age 5 I began to research our schooling options. I had heard of homeschooling, but had not actually considered it prior to this time. By the grace of God, Brittney turned 5 on September 2, 1998. This was one day too late to start government school kindergarten in the state of Texas. So, as I had been researching the possibility of homeschooling, my wife and I agreed that I would teach her at home that first year just to “see how it goes.” If it didn’t work well, we’d just enroll her in school in 1999. Thus began our journey into homeschooling. Homeschooling didn’t only “work well,” it worked extremely well. Brittney developed a love for reading. I loved spending the time with her teaching her how to read, write, and do math. That first year, we did it in the evening after work. My wife grew tired of our evenings being consumed with Brittney and I working on her schooling while she cared for our oldest son, Michael, who was two years younger than Brittney. So, the next year, I continued teaching Brittney math in the mornings. Eventually Brittney gained the experience needed to do most of the work on her own. I also changed jobs, which made it difficult to continue the morning routine. Yet, what remained was that I would teach each child to read, in the evening. Doing reading in the evening only takes about 20 minutes a day. My wife now handles anything else that needs to be done during the day, including teaching them writing and math. We’ve never regretted homeschooling and would not consider any other alternative now.

When Sheri and I were first married, she worked in a day care center close to the IBM building where I was working as a co-op student. Everyday Sheri would go to work she’d witness other people’s children take their first steps, say their first words, sit up for the first time, roll over, and on and on. She felt terrible telling a young professional mother that her child had accomplished a particular milestone. Sometimes she didn’t even mention it, hoping that the child would do the same stunt for their parents during the few hours they had with them after work and before bedtime. I see homeschooling in much the same light. There’s nothing like seeing the light in the eyes of your child as he “gets it” when learning to read or do math. There’s nothing like watching him form his letters as he writes, “I luv you.”

This fall, Justin is “officially” beginning school, though we’ve been working through the “Teach Your Child to Read” book somewhat inconsistently since the spring. He is so excited! His face really lit up when his Saxon math worksheets arrived in the mail about a week ago. Every evening when I come home Justin runs to me and asks, “Daddy, will you teach me to read?” It’s time for me to finish up this text book with him so he can move on to more complicated things. After all, he already takes his turn each evening reading from his own Geneva Bible during family worship. ;-)

That’ll Never Work? Let’s Just See About That!

There’s a man of God today promoting a certain message of multi-generational faithfulness. He is the father of five sons and two daughters. This man’s name is Geoffrey Botkin. Geoff Botkin has not always been a prime example of a Christian father. In fact, he is a former Marxist. However, you could not tell that today based on his commitment to Christ and his resolve to lead his family according to Christian principles.

Mr. Botkin spoke at our church when we were attending Sovereign Grace Family Church in Carrollton, Texas. He also spoke at the Vision Forum Entrepreneurial Bootcamp in August 2006. In his messages, Mr. Botkin has outlined a “200-year” plan for his family. In this plan, he records family history, and plans out the future. Then he charges his sons to produce their own plans beginning at their marriage dates. Of course, these plans will overlap greatly. Yet, each plan will be unique as new families are formed, and the vision is passed to the next generation.

I have begun my own plan. My wife and I married in 1990. So, I did the easy part first, documenting what has happened since then! But I have also begun to plot out the future dates. My wife was not too crazy about seeing a planned “death date,” so I made a general rule that everyone in my chart who is currently living (or not born yet) will live to be 100 years old. If we exceed that, then Praise God! If not…well, that’s fine too. The point is that most of us will have anywhere from 80-100 years. This plan helps to see just how much (and how many) we can expect to influence in our relatively brief lifetimes. I have yet to find out Mr. Botkin’s exact columns that he used. His presentations were given so fast, it was hard to copy all the information. However, what I realized is that he has given a great inspiration. I can fill in my own details.

I have created this plan in an Excel spreadsheet. Down the left side of the spreadsheet, I have a row for each year including and between 1990 and 2190. My current column headings include “Family Members,” “Publications,” “Skills Learned,” “Businesses Established,” “Ministry Initiatives,” and “Historic Remembrances.” I will add new columns as I deem it necessary.

Under “Family Members,” I list each descendent of mine with their birth dates in the appropriate year, along with the date they turn 13, the date they marry, the date they turn 45, and the date they die. My general rule is that at this point, I am only planning descendents for those who have already been born. Otherwise it gets too confusing with a lack of names. When planning future sons and daughters, they are listed as “son #4.” Grandchildren are currently listed as “Justin’s #3” for example. 13 is significant because that formally marks the transition from childhood to adulthood. 45 is significant because I have arbitrarily set that age as the date that the Lord’s blessing of children stops. If God chooses to bless beyond that age, then “Praise God!” However, for purposes of planning, this is the arbitrary age. As I mentioned, 100 years is the “planned” lifespan of everyone.

“Publications” lists the books that each family member has or will publish. It is recorded in the year in which is happens, along with the month, as well as the author’s name, and possible title.

“Skills Learned” will detail things like learning a foreign language, learning to play a musical instrument, etc. The “accomplishment” date is the date whereby a rudimentary skill is achieved. Of course, these skills will improve with practice. But this plan will help us to keep focused.

“Businesses Established” help to encourage entrepreneurial endeavors, thereby ensuring a life of freedom for each of our descendents where they will not be dependent upon an employer for their livelihood.

“Ministry Initiatives” detail ways that the Lord is using each of us as His body doing His work on this Earth. We should always be found doing our “Father’s Business.”

Finally, I added “Historic Remembrances” to help us remember the “ancient landmarks” laid by those who went before us. In this column, I put anniversaries that we hope to attend as a family, such as the Jamestown 400 celebration next year. There will be many of these celebrations over these 200 years. Because of this column I already know that I want to visit Germany on October 31, 2017 for the celebration of the 500th anniversary of the start of the Protestant Reformation.

I’m excited about making these plans. I realize that the plan must remain flexible. Not everyone will live to be 100. Each son or daughter may not have all the children I have planned for them. The important thing is, though, that I am teaching them to desire God’s blessings in every area of their life. It is a time of training to take dominion over this Earth and subdue it. What I do expect, however, is that every single child, and every single descendent beyond them will live a life dedicated to Jesus Christ. Every one of these children will trust their fathers to lead them in the courtship process when considering marriage. There will be none lost.

In sharing some of these goals with an extended family member, he simply shook his head, and proclaimed, “That’ll never work.” One thing’s for sure, if you don’t try, then you know you won’t receive the results. But with God’s help, I believe that I can set the expectations for two centuries to come, and that my children after me will carry this same vision forward to their descendents forever.